you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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