I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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