My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
