U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
