OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
