I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
