yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
