shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
