Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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