I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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