Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
