He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
