I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
