i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
