We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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