i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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