that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
