i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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