so explain again why im purple
no
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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