I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
