It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
