You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
