You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
