Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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