your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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