Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
