Please, let me fuck your mom
Welp...herpes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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