I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
