I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
