I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
