so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
