Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm at about main and main street
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
