guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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