If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
