You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
