omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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