Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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