i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
