Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
