I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
