is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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