You just made me feel so damn special
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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