I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
