It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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