i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
