What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
