you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
