No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
