College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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