i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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