theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
