I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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