I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
