i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
