Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
