Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
