one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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